I recently volunteered at my golf course to assist with the distribution of mulch around the clubhouse. A group of 16 fellow golfers came out on a Monday morning and in a matter of hours had the place looking fresh and revitalized; there were moments of excellence everywhere you looked offering an appealing visual to anyone approaching, whether they were members or merely “passers by”. It wasn’t about just tossing mulch where it could be seen, but getting deep into the beds and removing branches, leaves, weeds and trash from those out the way places. A worthy time spent, getting dirty, a bit sweaty and yes maybe a few muscles “awakened” having not used them in a while.
As I arrived home and tossed my gloves on the ground to clean them off, my neighbor asked what I had been doing. “Mulching”. He gave me a brief smile and then began to tell me why he hates it: Too much work, too time consuming, too many achy muscles and when it’s done you just have to do it all over again in a few months anyway and then my favorite: “I can always spray stuff to kill those pesky weeds.” It reminded me how much management inadvertently avoids “mulching”. Time spent walking around the office, really talking to people in their environment, not calling them into your office. Asking questions of colleagues or subordinates and knowing it’s not always going to be pleasant. Get down to the nitty-gritty, being prepared to not just listen to words, but hear the message. It’s not about applying weed killer, it’s about listening to avoid those “pesky things” in the first place. Work a little, get to the places that are in the back and typically “out of view”, but still warrant attention. Knowing that you might not come out of this venture looking good, and who knows actually be a little messy yourself, and yes, perhaps ache a little. But, knowing that when you’re done, the agenda wasn’t about you – it was about the landscape. It was to get in there and appreciate what has been done, see where it can be better, remove obstacles and clutter that hurt the quality of your product. And…..realizing that when it’s all done, you’ll have to do it again and again if you want to sustain the “look”. Mulching……..it’s not just about getting your hands dirty.
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There’s an old saying: “clothes make the man”; dated perhaps, (could we maybe include women here in the modern age?) but it’s meant to illustrate how easy it is to draw a conclusion about an individual based on his/her wardrobe and appearance. Here’s what I mean.
Someone dressed in a “three-piece” suit, polished shoes, and well groomed traditionally makes us think: “Ah…. He must be successful in business; maybe he’s a doctor, broker or lawyer”. If we see someone in denim jeans, a long sleeve flannel shirt and work boots, we’re inclined to think: “He must work with his hands; maybe he’s a handyman, forester, or blue-collar worker”. The problem is that it tends to bias us before we really know anything about the individual; especially today, when dress codes are completely different, it’s dangerous to make assumptions based on how someone is dressed. How often do we judge a book by its cover and have a pre-conceived notion as to what that person’s point of view might be, or their attitude, or their intellect? We feel a need to “type” them so we can categorize them in our mind. Let’s take it a step further: based on their appearance, can we make assumptions about their preferences in the areas of food, movies, politics or taste in music? Recently, my wife and I attended an evening of Kristin Chenoweth in concert; we both admire her talent and personality. Having arrived at the theater a bit early, we passed the time watching the patrons entering the lobby. In short order, we realized there was a huge variety of people attending. Besides the wide range of ages, it also became apparent that there was a wide range of “types”. I found myself wondering: if I had run into these people on the street, based on their appearance and how they were dressed, would I have imagined them attending and appreciating a concert by Kristin Chenoweth? I would have to say only about 50%. At that point, I realized that I was categorizing; I had a pre-conceived notion of who would be walking in the door; these were my biased expectations of who would attend a night at the theater and how they would be dressed. The epiphany happened when a husband and wife strode in sporting their camouflage attire, as if they had just returned from a duck blind. It brought a smile to my face and reminded me that there are no defined parameters for a night at the theater. There is no dress code for music appreciation. And a great time was had by all…. equally. Regardless of how they were dressed. Lesson learned. Every person’s goal in life is to succeed. Regardless of their goal, we want to achieve something. Making a sale, signing a contract, completing an around the house project, winning the game, hitting a golf ball straight (I’m still working on that one), or merely being better than our opponent. Often times the thrill of victory and agony of defeat are not viewed as equal. The winner seems to have won more, or did the loser loose more. Is it better to have made it to the finals and lost? Not even make it that far. Everyone has an opinion and I’ve heard many a conversation about the merits of each. However, here’s a take that kind of evens the playing field.
You can’t have reinforcement if there isn’t deprivation. A warm coat is wonderful on a snowy day, bitter cold day. If I offer that same coat to you in Texas on July 30th, I don’t believe you have the same appreciation. Offering you a full tank of gas, right after you’ve filled you car doesn’t carry the same benefit as that container brought to you on the side of the road as your car tank is void of fuel. Taking you to breakfast might sound great; a steak dinner on Thanksgiving after you’ve had your family meal - I think you’re going to pass. The point is, as each team celebrates a victory, which can only occur because there is a team that lost. So, both teams contributed to that experience. The feeling of competitive accomplishment is a manifestation of two components. The yin and yan of life. With each peak there is a valley. There is balance. Enjoy the victory, but don't wallow in defeat. REcognize the whole experience and appreciate that next time, if you are the "loser", you too were part of the content that contributed equally. I enjoy conversing about words that appear to be synonyms (especially in a crossword puzzle) but in reality can be great tools if used appropriately in different contexts. Let me share an example of how I differentiated two terms to avoid conflict.
I know it might seem like semantics, but I see a distinction between perception and opinion. A perception is what I see and how I interpret it; an opinion is what I do with the information I had obtained via my perception. An example- I’m replacing the carpeting in my den. I look at one and I perceive a shade of grey, someone else looks at it and sees a shade of green. Those are two perceptions. In my opinion, I like what I see and suggest we go with it, someone else wonders why I’d even consider that shade of green in my den. Thus, we have a difference of opinion. We might be able to debate our opinions, but I don’t have to defend my perception - what color I “see”. Of course, then my lovely wife comes along and says: “hardwood”. So we compromise and install hardwood. Have you ever been in a work situation where you offer a perception, but end up defending your opinion? An opinion is a view, or outlook or belief regarding something. It is also a judgment and thus can become an unintended debate. How often do you find yourself in a situation where you are being a judge based on your opinion? A perception on the other hand, is how we see things, our assessment - real or otherwise. It is defined by our discernment of what we see, or hear or feel. Often others attempt to get you to change you “opinion” by voicing their own. If successful, they have been reinforced for their influence and will habitually do so in the future if someone does not agree with them. It is this second aspect that holds much more in the way of control than sometimes we’d prefer. Keep in mind; they have changed your opinion…not your perception. Do not feel guilty or pressured into altering your perception. If it’s genuine, you are being true to yourself. Should we open our mouth and make a suggestion? Or will my words add more strife to this conversation. Should I make a recommendation based on what I see, or perhaps I don’t see it clearly so I’ll keep my mouth shut. One shouldn’t feel as though they need to defend their perception. A perception is not necessarily equated with final testimony, or a decision. One’s perception is often sought to add more information to a decision making process and thus, that perception is not only valid it is valued. Feel free to offer your perception and label it as such. When someone offers me a perception it makes me think more, if they offer an opinion I tend to compare it to my own. There’s a big difference between adding information (perceptions) prior to a decision and comparing opinions between which one must decide I’m not talking about the age-old debate pitting optimists against pessimists. “Is the glass half full? Or half empty?” One of my science friends responds: It’s 100% full. Half of which is liquid, the other half a gas. Or, in the words of one of my favorite minds of all times - George Carlin – the glass is the wrong size. Though humorous, that statement provides the impetus for us not to choose sides, but rather look at it totally different. Too often, people seem to want to “pick a side”, or be on the popular or winning team. Perception is not about keeping score, it’s about making observations. Just recently my daughter provided a unique perception. I felt a bid old as I sent her a note to celebrate her 39th birthday. Instead, she sees it this way: “Dad, let’s celebrate your 39th anniversary of holding your first-born child”. Ah perceptions….!! In a recent blog, I pointed out the advantage of “Planning your Life in Pencil”. It was to demonstrate there are often unanticipated turns in the road that actually might be beneficial and the value of embracing those opportunities. In thinking about it, I realize that grabbing a pencil first isn’t always the best course of action for all situations.
I have a friend who likes to do crosswords in pencil. I like to tease her that “Pencils are for doubters!” Not to label, but rather to categorize: doubt, hesitation, lacking confidence, anticipating errors and failure instead of success. Generally a first draft is wise and can avoid severe consequences but there are times when hesitation can be costly in itself. There are circumstances that call for successive approximations such as grades in schools. After all, you don’t learn to count to 10 and then jump right to calculus or learn your ABC’s and then commence authoring your first book. I acknowledge there are times when the approximation seems a bit steep, but such is life. I recall diving off the one meter board at our community pool as a kid, but going up to the 3 meter board seemed an increase 10 fold….where’s the 2 meter board? It took a lot more for me to execute that dive…and you might as well forget me even considering a 10 meter platform ! Can someone invent a board that mechanically rises in inches?? There are the times when self doubt causes more pain and anguish as we try to approximate. Ever peel a band-aid off slowly as opposed to ripping it off? I’ve seen a youngster go from two training wheels to one in an effort to approximate and it turned ugly when they attempted a turn to the side with the training device. Yes, there are times we have to just go for it. Do you recall that first time you successfully balanced on a bike? – Indescribable. That was an example of when you used “pen” instead of “pencil”, that moment of push off knowing there weren’t any safety devices. (and of course back then, what helmet???) The use of “the pen” is critical when you can’t afford to be doubtful. A football running back breaking into the opening formed from a lineman’s block is only there for a split second. No time to hesitate with a “pencil”. The Apollo 13 astronauts used both a pencil and a pen. They used pencil to plan their recovery strategy and then had only once chance to fire the retro rockets to correct their course to “slingshot” out of the moon’s gravitational pull to make it home safely. The pencil to adapt, and the pen to “go for it”. Obviously, they knew when to use the right stuff. I’ll tell you this, if I’m having brain surgery, damn well I want that doctor to be comfortable with a “pen”, don’t even consider a “pencil”. In life, business and personal, there are times when throwing off the training wheels will provide that same level of exaltation when we realize we can do something we felt we had to “draft” first. Know when to be decisive (pen), compared to when to take that additional time to gather more information (pencil). When to talk vs. when to listen, when to offer a suggestion vs. when to ask a question. When to walk into the boss’ office as opposed to waiting for the invite. Have confidence in yourself in new areas and test those growth boundaries. Learn by doing, and accept that there might be a few spills and scraped knees along the way. Fortitude is getting back up and getting on the bull again. Now……let’s go do that crossword puzzle..with pen in hand ! I noted that today’s “Google Doodle” is the 101st anniversary of the first electronic traffic signal. A bane to some, unless viewed as an “learning opportunity”. Allow me to explain
I’d venture to say that a large number of teachers leave the profession for reasons that have nothing to do with the scholastic achievements of their students; rather they leave because of the challenges of managing behavior in the classroom. Daily episodes happen in classrooms that make some teachers shudder, while outside entities remain blissfully unaware of the continuous demands they make on the teacher’s mental capacity and sense of normalcy. I’ve had the opportunity to speak to various school districts in the past. I’ve done sessions on classroom behavior management with a focus on the teacher’s, not student’s behavior. Most of the time, the participants in those workshops expect to learn about a new trick to get “Johnny” to remain in his seat, or stop tapping his foot or speaking out of turn. They are focused on Johnny and everything he does to interrupt the flow in their classroom. I wonder how much time they mentally spend preoccupied with Johnny. Do they measure a successful day by noting it’s 3:45 and Johnny hasn’t caused a problem today!! Yeah!! In the meantime, Mary has been sitting in her chair and quietly doing her work everyday and yet, her name is not mentioned out loud even once, all year. Invariably a day comes when, in the teacher’s lounge, someone says: “What ever happened to Mary. She used to be such a good student”. That’s when I have that nails-on-the-chalkboard feeling run down my spine. Did you ever TELL Mary she was doing a good job? Were you so focused on managing negative behavior that you forgot to reinforce all of the good that was happening in your classroom every day. Were you too preoccupied with Johnny? I’ve been asked point blank: “What would you do about Johnny?” My response: “I’d thank Johnny” (At which time, I’d get horrific stares and raised eyebrows). Absolutely. Every time Johnny taps his pencil it would remind me to thank the all of the Marys of the classroom for being such good students, staying focused and doing good work. Eventually, Johnny will figure it out: “Every time I tap my pencil, you say something to someone else. See if I tap my foot again!” and my response: “Oh well, have it your way, Johnny”. Would it play out exactly that way? Likely not but the point is that you probably have an arsenal of ideas about how to handle Johnny, but have you even considered what you’ll do when you see Mary demonstrating the behavior you are looking for? She deserves your attention too. Try this. On the way to work, at each red light, envision Mary doing something right and plan what you are going to do to acknowledge that. Be prepared to instantly acknowledge correct behavior. Besides increasing the frequency of that behavior, it also illustrates the fact that you believe in your students and assume as a matter of course that they will be doing things correctly. Showing belief and having faith in your students instills confidence and pride and will elicit even more good work on their part, increasing the behavior for which you are looking and continuing to build momentum. Use the University of Traffic Lights to remind yourself to notice what is going right and respond accordingly, instead of being ready at the drop of a hat to respond to everything that is going wrong. It’s a “degree” that will bring you great returns, even though you can’t frame it for your office wall. As a child, I often attempted to visualize what my life would be. Of course the litany of obvious choices were careers like: doctor, policeman, fireman, delivery man, grocery store owner, etc. The list was obviously generated by those with whom we became familiar, interacted with or saw on TV (at one point, I wanted to grow up to be a cowboy, thanks Marshall Dillion). What do do? What to do? Oh well, there’s time. After all, high school is coming up in a few years.
Then of course those “dreams” get interrupted by upcoming high school graduation and the reality that a plan needs to start coming together. The questions commence from parents, school counselors, friends and neighbors: What are you studying? What are you interested in pursuing? What’s your major? At this point the field consists of wider choices: architect, engineer, medical research, computer programming, space technology, business, marketing. Can’t someone just tell me what to do?? Pressure-pressure !! What if I just skip school and go into trades? plumber, carpenter, guitar player at the local lounge, trucker. If indeed something more “professional” is your choice, a college selection is now necessary. Big school? small school? in-state? out of state? reputation? costs? scholarship availability? where are you friends going? The concept of independence starts to emerge as you contemplate choices and realize that you have the major say in this next decision - and you have to live with it. As a result, more pressure builds ( heck, maybe I should pursue psychology) We make a decision and move forward. Hoping to be successful, educated, and with a clear road map to the mountain top. Along the way, we are introduced to other topics, challenges, situations and career endeavors. And with that, a spark initiates another interest that we hadn’t considered. If lucky, along with that comes an opportunity to experience something that touches a skill, knowledge or ability that we hadn’t considered, nor knew we had a propensity. Before we know it, we are aiming for a target that we didn’t even know existed back when “I just wanted to be a mailman”. As John Lennon said: “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans”. Don’t let the turns in the road diminish your desire to pursue success. I have been so fortunate to have experienced a unique career none of which I had envisioned growing up in Whippany, NJ. I’d never say that I wasn’t successful because I didn’t stay the course on my first goal. On the contrary, my life has been quite a journey and I owe it all to planning it in pencil - not ink. |
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