There’s an old saying: “clothes make the man”; dated perhaps, (could we maybe include women here in the modern age?) but it’s meant to illustrate how easy it is to draw a conclusion about an individual based on his/her wardrobe and appearance. Here’s what I mean.
Someone dressed in a “three-piece” suit, polished shoes, and well groomed traditionally makes us think: “Ah…. He must be successful in business; maybe he’s a doctor, broker or lawyer”. If we see someone in denim jeans, a long sleeve flannel shirt and work boots, we’re inclined to think: “He must work with his hands; maybe he’s a handyman, forester, or blue-collar worker”. The problem is that it tends to bias us before we really know anything about the individual; especially today, when dress codes are completely different, it’s dangerous to make assumptions based on how someone is dressed. How often do we judge a book by its cover and have a pre-conceived notion as to what that person’s point of view might be, or their attitude, or their intellect? We feel a need to “type” them so we can categorize them in our mind. Let’s take it a step further: based on their appearance, can we make assumptions about their preferences in the areas of food, movies, politics or taste in music? Recently, my wife and I attended an evening of Kristin Chenoweth in concert; we both admire her talent and personality. Having arrived at the theater a bit early, we passed the time watching the patrons entering the lobby. In short order, we realized there was a huge variety of people attending. Besides the wide range of ages, it also became apparent that there was a wide range of “types”. I found myself wondering: if I had run into these people on the street, based on their appearance and how they were dressed, would I have imagined them attending and appreciating a concert by Kristin Chenoweth? I would have to say only about 50%. At that point, I realized that I was categorizing; I had a pre-conceived notion of who would be walking in the door; these were my biased expectations of who would attend a night at the theater and how they would be dressed. The epiphany happened when a husband and wife strode in sporting their camouflage attire, as if they had just returned from a duck blind. It brought a smile to my face and reminded me that there are no defined parameters for a night at the theater. There is no dress code for music appreciation. And a great time was had by all…. equally. Regardless of how they were dressed. Lesson learned.
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Every person’s goal in life is to succeed. Regardless of their goal, we want to achieve something. Making a sale, signing a contract, completing an around the house project, winning the game, hitting a golf ball straight (I’m still working on that one), or merely being better than our opponent. Often times the thrill of victory and agony of defeat are not viewed as equal. The winner seems to have won more, or did the loser loose more. Is it better to have made it to the finals and lost? Not even make it that far. Everyone has an opinion and I’ve heard many a conversation about the merits of each. However, here’s a take that kind of evens the playing field.
You can’t have reinforcement if there isn’t deprivation. A warm coat is wonderful on a snowy day, bitter cold day. If I offer that same coat to you in Texas on July 30th, I don’t believe you have the same appreciation. Offering you a full tank of gas, right after you’ve filled you car doesn’t carry the same benefit as that container brought to you on the side of the road as your car tank is void of fuel. Taking you to breakfast might sound great; a steak dinner on Thanksgiving after you’ve had your family meal - I think you’re going to pass. The point is, as each team celebrates a victory, which can only occur because there is a team that lost. So, both teams contributed to that experience. The feeling of competitive accomplishment is a manifestation of two components. The yin and yan of life. With each peak there is a valley. There is balance. Enjoy the victory, but don't wallow in defeat. REcognize the whole experience and appreciate that next time, if you are the "loser", you too were part of the content that contributed equally. |
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