I enjoy conversing about words that appear to be synonyms (especially in a crossword puzzle) but in reality can be great tools if used appropriately in different contexts. Let me share an example of how I differentiated two terms to avoid conflict.
I know it might seem like semantics, but I see a distinction between perception and opinion. A perception is what I see and how I interpret it; an opinion is what I do with the information I had obtained via my perception. An example- I’m replacing the carpeting in my den. I look at one and I perceive a shade of grey, someone else looks at it and sees a shade of green. Those are two perceptions. In my opinion, I like what I see and suggest we go with it, someone else wonders why I’d even consider that shade of green in my den. Thus, we have a difference of opinion. We might be able to debate our opinions, but I don’t have to defend my perception - what color I “see”. Of course, then my lovely wife comes along and says: “hardwood”. So we compromise and install hardwood. Have you ever been in a work situation where you offer a perception, but end up defending your opinion? An opinion is a view, or outlook or belief regarding something. It is also a judgment and thus can become an unintended debate. How often do you find yourself in a situation where you are being a judge based on your opinion? A perception on the other hand, is how we see things, our assessment - real or otherwise. It is defined by our discernment of what we see, or hear or feel. Often others attempt to get you to change you “opinion” by voicing their own. If successful, they have been reinforced for their influence and will habitually do so in the future if someone does not agree with them. It is this second aspect that holds much more in the way of control than sometimes we’d prefer. Keep in mind; they have changed your opinion…not your perception. Do not feel guilty or pressured into altering your perception. If it’s genuine, you are being true to yourself. Should we open our mouth and make a suggestion? Or will my words add more strife to this conversation. Should I make a recommendation based on what I see, or perhaps I don’t see it clearly so I’ll keep my mouth shut. One shouldn’t feel as though they need to defend their perception. A perception is not necessarily equated with final testimony, or a decision. One’s perception is often sought to add more information to a decision making process and thus, that perception is not only valid it is valued. Feel free to offer your perception and label it as such. When someone offers me a perception it makes me think more, if they offer an opinion I tend to compare it to my own. There’s a big difference between adding information (perceptions) prior to a decision and comparing opinions between which one must decide I’m not talking about the age-old debate pitting optimists against pessimists. “Is the glass half full? Or half empty?” One of my science friends responds: It’s 100% full. Half of which is liquid, the other half a gas. Or, in the words of one of my favorite minds of all times - George Carlin – the glass is the wrong size. Though humorous, that statement provides the impetus for us not to choose sides, but rather look at it totally different. Too often, people seem to want to “pick a side”, or be on the popular or winning team. Perception is not about keeping score, it’s about making observations. Just recently my daughter provided a unique perception. I felt a bid old as I sent her a note to celebrate her 39th birthday. Instead, she sees it this way: “Dad, let’s celebrate your 39th anniversary of holding your first-born child”. Ah perceptions….!!
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In a recent blog, I pointed out the advantage of “Planning your Life in Pencil”. It was to demonstrate there are often unanticipated turns in the road that actually might be beneficial and the value of embracing those opportunities. In thinking about it, I realize that grabbing a pencil first isn’t always the best course of action for all situations.
I have a friend who likes to do crosswords in pencil. I like to tease her that “Pencils are for doubters!” Not to label, but rather to categorize: doubt, hesitation, lacking confidence, anticipating errors and failure instead of success. Generally a first draft is wise and can avoid severe consequences but there are times when hesitation can be costly in itself. There are circumstances that call for successive approximations such as grades in schools. After all, you don’t learn to count to 10 and then jump right to calculus or learn your ABC’s and then commence authoring your first book. I acknowledge there are times when the approximation seems a bit steep, but such is life. I recall diving off the one meter board at our community pool as a kid, but going up to the 3 meter board seemed an increase 10 fold….where’s the 2 meter board? It took a lot more for me to execute that dive…and you might as well forget me even considering a 10 meter platform ! Can someone invent a board that mechanically rises in inches?? There are the times when self doubt causes more pain and anguish as we try to approximate. Ever peel a band-aid off slowly as opposed to ripping it off? I’ve seen a youngster go from two training wheels to one in an effort to approximate and it turned ugly when they attempted a turn to the side with the training device. Yes, there are times we have to just go for it. Do you recall that first time you successfully balanced on a bike? – Indescribable. That was an example of when you used “pen” instead of “pencil”, that moment of push off knowing there weren’t any safety devices. (and of course back then, what helmet???) The use of “the pen” is critical when you can’t afford to be doubtful. A football running back breaking into the opening formed from a lineman’s block is only there for a split second. No time to hesitate with a “pencil”. The Apollo 13 astronauts used both a pencil and a pen. They used pencil to plan their recovery strategy and then had only once chance to fire the retro rockets to correct their course to “slingshot” out of the moon’s gravitational pull to make it home safely. The pencil to adapt, and the pen to “go for it”. Obviously, they knew when to use the right stuff. I’ll tell you this, if I’m having brain surgery, damn well I want that doctor to be comfortable with a “pen”, don’t even consider a “pencil”. In life, business and personal, there are times when throwing off the training wheels will provide that same level of exaltation when we realize we can do something we felt we had to “draft” first. Know when to be decisive (pen), compared to when to take that additional time to gather more information (pencil). When to talk vs. when to listen, when to offer a suggestion vs. when to ask a question. When to walk into the boss’ office as opposed to waiting for the invite. Have confidence in yourself in new areas and test those growth boundaries. Learn by doing, and accept that there might be a few spills and scraped knees along the way. Fortitude is getting back up and getting on the bull again. Now……let’s go do that crossword puzzle..with pen in hand ! I noted that today’s “Google Doodle” is the 101st anniversary of the first electronic traffic signal. A bane to some, unless viewed as an “learning opportunity”. Allow me to explain
I’d venture to say that a large number of teachers leave the profession for reasons that have nothing to do with the scholastic achievements of their students; rather they leave because of the challenges of managing behavior in the classroom. Daily episodes happen in classrooms that make some teachers shudder, while outside entities remain blissfully unaware of the continuous demands they make on the teacher’s mental capacity and sense of normalcy. I’ve had the opportunity to speak to various school districts in the past. I’ve done sessions on classroom behavior management with a focus on the teacher’s, not student’s behavior. Most of the time, the participants in those workshops expect to learn about a new trick to get “Johnny” to remain in his seat, or stop tapping his foot or speaking out of turn. They are focused on Johnny and everything he does to interrupt the flow in their classroom. I wonder how much time they mentally spend preoccupied with Johnny. Do they measure a successful day by noting it’s 3:45 and Johnny hasn’t caused a problem today!! Yeah!! In the meantime, Mary has been sitting in her chair and quietly doing her work everyday and yet, her name is not mentioned out loud even once, all year. Invariably a day comes when, in the teacher’s lounge, someone says: “What ever happened to Mary. She used to be such a good student”. That’s when I have that nails-on-the-chalkboard feeling run down my spine. Did you ever TELL Mary she was doing a good job? Were you so focused on managing negative behavior that you forgot to reinforce all of the good that was happening in your classroom every day. Were you too preoccupied with Johnny? I’ve been asked point blank: “What would you do about Johnny?” My response: “I’d thank Johnny” (At which time, I’d get horrific stares and raised eyebrows). Absolutely. Every time Johnny taps his pencil it would remind me to thank the all of the Marys of the classroom for being such good students, staying focused and doing good work. Eventually, Johnny will figure it out: “Every time I tap my pencil, you say something to someone else. See if I tap my foot again!” and my response: “Oh well, have it your way, Johnny”. Would it play out exactly that way? Likely not but the point is that you probably have an arsenal of ideas about how to handle Johnny, but have you even considered what you’ll do when you see Mary demonstrating the behavior you are looking for? She deserves your attention too. Try this. On the way to work, at each red light, envision Mary doing something right and plan what you are going to do to acknowledge that. Be prepared to instantly acknowledge correct behavior. Besides increasing the frequency of that behavior, it also illustrates the fact that you believe in your students and assume as a matter of course that they will be doing things correctly. Showing belief and having faith in your students instills confidence and pride and will elicit even more good work on their part, increasing the behavior for which you are looking and continuing to build momentum. Use the University of Traffic Lights to remind yourself to notice what is going right and respond accordingly, instead of being ready at the drop of a hat to respond to everything that is going wrong. It’s a “degree” that will bring you great returns, even though you can’t frame it for your office wall. |
Dave ForceBehaviorist, teacher and researcher Dave Force offers 30 years of insights wrapped in an engaging and unforgettable presentation. Archives
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